Chant du Cygne

CHANT DU CYGNE
The bed is hard, the sheets are stiff, I’m faced with shades of gray
I dread this garb, through sleep I drift, to waste away the day.
I wait for just the moment, hope their making up my hearse
Don’t know about atonement, I’m just waiting for the nurse.

She comes and brings a tray of food, and with a change of gown,
She comes and tries to sway my mood, but none can change my frown.
My will is numb, affliction grew, the days I feel alone,
Until they come, my sisters do, and make me feel at home.

I wish they knew, to what extent, their presence meant to me.
My two best friends, through hell we went, their lessons- meant to be.
We were not meant, supposed to fight, or share each others’ boy.
Our lives were spent so close and tight, we shared each others’ joy.

The doctor gave me options, but I fear there is no choice…
I wish they would just get here, wait!, I think I hear her voice.
My ‘little sis’, the younger one, she’s just a tad afraid.
Had monsters in her closet, I had left her dragons slayed.

But now her fears lie in my bed. The room, she enters slow.
Wipes down a tear that she just shed, her gloom begins to grow.
I’m gripped with fright, can’t let her know, the agony I’m in.
Too sick to fight, can’t let it show, my dragon, it’ll win…

Behind her is my older sis, the mother of us all.
Refined, she is the mold of mother, covering our flaw.
Since mother’s death, she filled the void, the one we’d ask advice.
Her love has left us filled with joy, she made the sacrifice.

They’ve joined me for my epilogue, my story has it’s end.
They think that I’ll stand next to god; his glory? That’s pretend!
Six feet in depth, in dirt I’ll lie, my casket is my tomb.
“Defeating death!”, it hurts to lie, a bastard since the womb.

My sister sobs, I take her hand, remind her of the day,
“Recall the time, the doctor came, you tried to run away?
Ma asked if I’d go first, so I would show you it’s okay.
Again I will go first, in death, and show you both the way..”

They look at me, my strength- it wanes, the tears- I cannot fight
It took of me, immense in pain, severe, I’m now contrite.
Life’s a ball? I had some fun, not mad I’ll miss the game.
Our love is all, my life is done, just glad my sisters came…

(c) Ryan Baker 2010.

The Squandered Soul Of Sorrow

THE SQUANDERED SOUL OF SORROW
I wait inside the diner, while my fate becomes undone
I sit inside this diner, and I wait for her to come
I wait to see her smile, it’s our love that was sublime
Ripped off a piece of napkin just to scribble out this rhyme:

“The years have washed my faded heart, my memory maintain.
The tears have washed the days apart; remember me the same.
Our youth was spent in love together, our life was spent apart.
The truth, I’ve been in love forever, my wife, you were my heart.”

I sit and think inside the booth, while I ponder and I wait,
I sip my drink, inside is juice, my eyes wander at her plate.
The emptiness could match my soul, what took to be the case?
The story of our love untold, look up and see her face…

Our eyes, they meet, as once they would, I’m lost upon her gaze
I try and speak, but there she stood, I’m lost up on a daze.
My heart it beats, it pounds and throbs, she walks her legs to me.
My heart it weeps, a thousand sobs, “Hello,” she says to me.

So much surreal, in pain I was; with plenty fears, embrace.
Her touch, her feel, the same it was, now twenty years erase.
I hold her tight, a perfect fit, our magic hasn’t died,
The one regret that I have had: She hasn’t been my bride.

We sit and chat, we reminisce, our paths are realigned,
We sit and laugh, it’s venomous, our laughs- we hide behind
We talk and joke, our thoughts are spoke, but then she speaks to me,
“Distraught and broke, I sought your hope, my life is bleak from thee.”

“I know that we were meant to be, I used to be your baby,
You told me you would rescue me, you were supposed to save me.
And so I waited patiently, the day it never came
And so my fate is chasin’ me, your face forever blame.”

I can’t believe what I am hearing, shocked, I am in stun,
“I can’t relieve what you are feeling, locked, we were as one.
Until one day you left me and you never came back home
Alone is how you left me, you had left me all alone.”

She replied, “I know I left you, I thought that you would try,
To follow me, your lover, but you left me there to die.
I heard of your successes, for your family, I am proud,
My life is in a mess with stress, and tragedy my shroud.”

“Our love, it had a chance in hell, we’d give it all we had,
And now you have a mansion, well, I’m living in rehab.
I could’ve been the one with you, across the world we went,
Instead I have been shunned by you, we lost our world, it’s spent.”

Her broken soul is breaking mine, our flame is all we share,
Our hopeless souls, escape in time, our pain is all we bear.
“I wish you knew, to what degree, I tried to make it work,
You let me go, and set me free, I died and went berserk.”

I looked at her, she looked at me, a tear fell from her eye,
I wish I could just wipe it off, but fear had held my try.
I waited for an answer, maybe even a reply,
“Complacent with my cancer, I just want to say goodbye.”

“The doctor gave a couple weeks, I had to see you first.
For twenty years I’ve had a speech, life could’ve been reversed.
Imagine us, forever now, remember me until…
If we were still together now, I wouldn’t be so ill.”

We may have lost our chance, but I take her by the hand.
I ask her, “May I have this dance?” Accepts, and then we stand.
I hold her tight, I whisper soft, “Our love will never cease.
I’ll love you for eternity, we need to make our peace.”

My fingertips are on her hips, I’ll hold her ’til the dawn.
A gentle kiss upon her lips, my love is almost gone.
I’ll hold her ’til I can, no matter what tomorrow brings,
Even if we never see again, you’ll hear our sorrow sing.

(c) Ryan Baker 2010.

Ruth

RUTH
The cancer ate her body, while her body ate the pill
No answer, it has got me, probably, hot as in Brazil
A goddess in her still, but the chemo keep her frail,
Modest, she is jobless, she know honesty prevail
Astonished by her tale, she is broken and abused,
Admonished, in exhale, details spoken and confused
Chokin’, she excused, cuz she’s copin’ with the truth
Once openly refused, she ain’t hopin’, she is Ruth.

She loved a life of lovers, but her lover’s love she lacked
An un-beloved wife and mother, her love is still intact
In fact it’s real as lovers’ say, as real as real could be,
No visitors this Mother’s Day, surreal, she deals with me;
A spirit of devine, or a devil of a spirit?
She hear it in her mind, she don’t tremble, she don’t fear it,
I am the one to pull the curtain, certainly the truth
Her time has come, I end the hurtin’, certainly for Ruth.

Prayer Of The Vagrant

PRAYER OF THE VAGRANT
I break my neck to befriend the sky,
And I’ll make my threat, ‘cuz “the end is nigh”
I’ll take my step, and descend to die,
And I’ll ache like heck, but defend the Guy.

Change in my cup, no change in belief
Strange, I’m a nut, I’m deranged and in grief.
Mange is my cut. Ashamed? It is brief,
Exchange for a buck, estranged as a thief

Bleed on the curb, no need to disturb,
Plead to my creed and they’ll heed every word!
Indeed they perturb, deeds are absurd,
Concede they mislead, but believe what I heard!

A slave to my faith, no saving my fate,
Brave, I’m depraved, I’m the knave they create.
A scathing escape! My grave, it’ll wait!
Rave, and in praise I behave like irate!

Now caught in between my life and my lord,
I fought for his team, O, Christ, I’ve adored!
I bought in the scheme? The price, can’t afford.
I’ve sought the supreme, my strife is ignored.

My cell is concrete, the slum where I stay,
I dwell on the street, a bum as they say,
I fell for deceit? Succumb to betray?
In hell we will meet! I’m numb in dismay.

Now dead as a knob, as far as they knew,
I dread the façade, it’s hard to see through.
Was lead to a fog, can’t start me a new,
I bled for my god, my heart bid adieu.

My Pen, It Gently Weeps

MY PEN, IT GENTLY WEEPS
Thy lips a touch of heaven’s bliss,
The world will never know,
That such a simple little kiss
Could make my heart just glow

I’ve dreamt of days of me and you,
Of how we’d be together
I was supposed to rescue you,
But now we’ll be for-never

You were the one who broke my heart,
I am the one to blame
A broken heart’s a broken heart,
Will always feel the same

I knew you were the one I need
Not just the one I want
Believe, it wasn’t even greed
Indeed I’ll be upfront

The thought of you has crushed my soul,
My pen, it gently weeps
These words I scrawl, I’ve lost control,
Our end? Resent it sleeps

Thy sleep it slumbers openly,
Will never be awoke
Our deepest summer’s broken me,
I love you, never spoke.

‘Twas The Night Before New Years

‘Twas The Night Before New Years
Twas the night before New Years, when all through the house
Not a person wore cloth, not even a blouse.
The stockings were flung on the couch and a chair,
In hopes that some scrippers soon would be there.

So the children were sent to their grandmoms instead,
While visions of drunk dads danced in their heads.
And mamma in her thong, an eye on her strap,
Had just gave me brains from her long winded trap.

When out on the jawn, on her nose, I did splatter,
She sprang from the bed, I said ‘what was the matter?’
Away to the sink she flew like a flash,
She threw up her guts, my nut’s in the trash

And soon on her breast, her true calling- hoe,
Gave lust to the penis I told her, ‘below.’
When, what to my wandering eyes should appear,
But a husband and wife, with his hand on her rear

She looked at my rider, not little but thick,
And I knew in a moment she wanted my dick.
More rapid than pain, no shame in her game
I whistled, I shouted, and called her by name!

I’ll smash her! A Dancer? Her answer- ‘a Vixen!’
‘Her vomit, I’ll scoop it!’ I got her, my dicks in.
To the top of the bed! To the top of her jaw!
Now smash her face! Splash her face! Crash and spray ya’ll!

Now he knew I was good, so he covered his eye
I pushed in her bush, god, who is this fly?
So up to the house another girl flew,
With a bra full of tits, my dick’ll fit two.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
Romancing, performing, I went to see proof.
Withdrew from his head, she was turning around,
Next to the chimney, the shit was profound.

She was dressed all in fur, from her head to her foot,
And her clothes were all tight, like the way they were put.
A bundle of toys she had flung on her back,
With dildos and condoms, and whips that go smack!

Her thighs-how they twinkled! Her nipples how merry!
Butt cheeks were like roses, her tits like a cherry!
The whole of her mouth, drawn up like a pro,
And the cum on her chin was as white as the snow.

The stump of his man had been tight in her teeth,
While I’m layin’ the pipe, in the room underneath.
He had her broad face on his little round belly,
That shook when she bobbed, like a bowlful of jelly!

It was chubby and plump, like not of an elf,
And she laughed when she saw it, in spite of herself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know her legs would be spread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And ripped off the stockings, while she started to jerk.
And laying his finger inside of her rose,
And giving a nod, she curled up her toes!

So we sprang in the house down, quick like a missile
And away we all flew at the sound of my whistle.
From the window exclaimed, as I turned out the light,
‘Happy New Years to all, and to all a good-night!’

THE WRITER

THE WRITER
The words in the rhyme
Flow out of his skin
A third of the time
Before he begins
To rage on the page,
The page from within
The sage from his cage
Afraid and chagrin
A slave without sin-
He claims to be not,
The former not latter,
Became what he’s got
A name he forgot
The title his own
His brain’ll be rot
His vitals unknown…

Now little by little,
The writer would write
He’d scribble a riddle
Admit’ll excite.
But little by little
The writer would gripe
Was bitter and brittle
By middle of life
He figured he’s right
But triggered who’s Left
Shivered and quivered
He lived in obsess.
A river of stress
He’s sank and forgotten
Deliberate mess?
Now rank, he is rotten.

Now soon came a day,
A day he knew would
Betrayed by his brain
In pain when he stood
His veins have been strained
And waned as they should
Insane, his disdain
Would remain if it could
But could it just be
As he gasped his last breath,
‘Be good’ was his plea
As he grasped at his chest
He passed, and in death
Brought strong closure to,
The writer’s finale
Was long overdue.

THE NEW JIM CROW

THE NEW JIM CROW
My heroes are Milk,
Burroughs & Ellen
Queer has been built-
A thorough rebellion
Round up the people,
Fight for the change,
No Martin or Malcolm,
How come it’s strange?
For man and a man
To share one another
I can’t understand
To care who’s your lover
Uncover their fear
Your struggle’s severe
Your trouble is double
We smother their cheer
If marriage is holy
Divorce should be banned
Of course it’s enforced
Two-fourths have it planned
But Christians hate gays
Though Jesus loved men
Eleven by side
And one on his stem!
They push and they blame
The choice that you “choose”
It isn’t a choice!
Your voice is abused.
Their noise is confused
By radical thought
Dramatic fanatics
Emphatically taught
That gays are the devil;
The devil it seems,
A level I revel,
A rebel with dreams
Pedal the medal
Set to stop hate
Fuck every one
Who voted Prop 8!!

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FAMILY THAI

FAMILY THAI
Can’t feel all my feelings
Cuz my feelings ain’t real?
I’ve concealed all appealings
Now my healing’s ideal
I reveal to my brother
But my brother don’t listen
I can deal, it’s surreal
Cuz my mother won’t listen
Mist in my eye
Pissed, fist in the sky
Exist in abyss
Now I kiss them goodbye
Wish they would try
But their bliss is a lie
Dissed, but the twist?
I’ll be missed when I die
This is implied,
Vendettas they keep
Spread the poinsettias
It’s better they weep
Weep for the dead
Too deep, it has bled
Leap from my sleep
And defeat them instead
Deceit has been bred
It’s a family trait
Angrily gang on me,
Sang of my fate
Bang on the gate,
Straight gates of Hell!
Wait for your hate,
This the place that you dwell…

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THE HOPENHAGEN PROJECT

THE HOPENHAGEN PROJECT
The skies are all grey
The moon is now lost
A dismal display,
But what is the cost?
Frost from the ice,
Ice from the berg
Is all that is left
The price is absurd
No money to burn
But paid with our green
The sun won’t return
Betrayed by our greed
Afraid to proceed
The smog in my lung
Invades when I breathe
Now god has been hung…

So this is a present:
‘Cuz I’m from your future
Listen a second,
Turn off ya computer
Assemble the team
December’s convene
Remember your splendor
Resembles my dream
My Earth is forsaken,
It’s barren and bleak
Your work has awakened
The prayer that I seek
Amen with a pen
We end all emission
Amend and defend!
The end of transmission.

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